Wisdom's Warning

Text: Proverbs 5 ESV

Proverbs 5 is a sobering and serious Scripture text addressing a most serious subject—adultery. Now, what we need as the church, is for God’s Word to not shy away from the most pressing and deepest moral issues of our day but for God’s Word to speak clearly and compellingly that Christians might lead lives which are conviction-ally Christian. So, the topic before us is Wisdom’s Warning against adultery. I recognize that there can be deep emotions and experiences with this topic, and though this is meant to be a warning, it can be filtered and channeled through some other lenses: 

1. I think the hurt and offended can grieve righteously, and ought to, as they listen with heaviness. 

2. I think the guilty should soak in God’s river of repentance and receive wave upon wave of mercy from God’s ocean of grace. 

3. I think the bitter could look for glimpses of grace in how their experience with adultery was not as disastrous as Proverbs says it could have been.

4. I think the prideful should check their heart and not overlook the betrayal against God and man in their own hearts. 

5. Finally, for the curious, the elders are not responding to anyone or anything specifically in our midst. We are not trying to call attention to this because we know something or suspect something. We merely wanted to honor that 4 chapters are devoted to this subject in Proverbs and we ought to respect that. 

Now, when it comes to passages like these, I think we should look for at least three outcomes:

1. God would reveal adulterers, as hard as this sounds. Passages like these confront us and compel us to open up and bring light into the dark areas of our lives (no matter how dark, shaming, or embarrassing they may be). It can be convenient for sin to stay hidden, but we need God’s Word to illuminate our lives and bring sin up so that we may face it and carry it to Jesus to be repentant and be restored. Revelation of sin is necessary so we can be repentant and restored relationally and spiritually. Let me clear to anyone who is contemplating this now or in the future: IT IS NEVER BETTER FOR YOU, YOUR MARRIAGE, OR THE CHURCH OF CHRIST FOR SIN TO REMAIN AS IT IS OR TO REMAIN JUST A LITTLE LONGER. ITS NEEDS TO BE OUTED NOW. 

2. God would save us from adultery. We have these serious and sincere subjects with God imploring and pleading with us to warn us of the devastation of not following and trusting Him and His words. I do believe that God would use our time to walk a potential adulterer back from a precipice of failing and failing away from his or her marriage covenant. We would want to use a verse like the one in the next chapter, Proverbs 6:32, “he who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor and his disgrace will not be wiped away.” to convince a soon to be offender from ever offending in the first place. May God grace us by walking a soon-to-be adulterer back from destruction and desolation. 

3. God would comfort adulterers. The grace of God is not confounded, is not short-circuited, is not stunted by the sin of adultery. The gospel shines in and through marital unfaithfulness. We know that some of Jesus’s most beloved followers had experienced his grace after defiling marriage covenants. We think of the woman at the well who was found out by Jesus but was inexplicably drawn to him. We think of another woman who was received by Jesus and loved so greatly that she showered his feet with her tears of joy and broke her life savings of perfume over his feet. We think of the woman caught in the very act of adultery that was defended by Jesus amidst an angry mob. 

And, at the end of the day, this last outcome is true for everyone, isn’t it. We are told in Jesus’s most famous sermon:

“You have heard it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery, but I say to you, “If you have ever looked at a woman with lust, you have already committed adultery with her in your heart.” (Matthew 5:28 ESV). 

So, whether we have committed adultery visually, sexually, or, most heinous, spiritually (where we worship money, others, or bodies in the place of God), we are all in the same boat and boast in nothing but the saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. God saves and forgives adulterers and saves us from adultery. If this is you, remember, 

“such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:11 ESV) 

Defining my Terms

Before we get too far I want to make sure we define our terms:

1. Adultery is: marital infidelity, the sexual unfaithfulness to a marriage covenant. Sexual immorality with another who is not your lawful spouse. So, adultery is: consensual sexual relations between a married person and someone other than that person’s spouse. 

2. Fornication is: Any sexual relations outside of God’s prescribed will (i.e. pre-marital sex; any sexual relations between two heterosexual people not married; any homosexual sexual relations whether they are married or not; rape; incest. So any sexual relations outside the Biblical marriage relationship. Simply speaking, it is any sexual immorality defined by the Bible. 

3. Marriage is: Biblically defined Marriage is a monogamous, heterosexual union under God and with each other.

Getting to the Text

I want to make two observations. We are going to see a Father’s warm and wise words on display. First, who He is talking to, then how He speaks to them:

1. First, who he talks to: “My Son”. Proverbs is replete with the phrase, “My Son” and “hear O Sons.” What are we to take from this? Godly parents speak to ungodly children from a very early age about the things of God. Christian parents are charged with discipling, shaping, teaching, influencing their children. We are not only encouraging godly behavior once they believe but we encourage Godly and good-for-them behavior so they will believe. The world and the prince of this world are coming for them young and fast through schools, media, and friends. Parents and the church must get their first and faster. 
   One more outcome, God would choke adultery in our next generation by being intentional in discipling our children in the incredibly important value of marital faithfulness. It was with our children a few weeks ago that we talked about God’s good and perfect will for sex happening between a married man and woman. That marriage is a picture of a man promising to love one woman unconditionally. He pledges himself to be her husband and no one else’s. God treats them as one and they live, make decisions, and act as one person. And one of the ways they enjoy and show that oneness is through their sexual relationship. Now, a Godly husband and wife are not having sexual intercourse with everyone, but only someone we have a committed marriage relationship with. In the same way, God does not bring us into Union with Himself without first having a relationship with us. Union happens in a committed covenantal relationship, just as sex happens in a committed covenantal relationship. When sex happens outside of marriage, it mars and wrongly shows the heavenly marriage it is intended to illustrate. 
   Let’s make these 4 sub points: 

   • Marriage is a promise (Biblical union) between one man and one woman under God.

   • A married couple’s sexual relationship is a sexual union. (You need to define this with your children.)

   • Earthly marriage is meant to show the world our heavenly marriage with God (and not just about itself) — “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church…and wives see to it that you respect your husbands.” (Ephesians 5:24, 33 ESV) How a husband and wife interact with each other is meant to show how Christ and the church interact with each other. On our first honeymoon Sara and I read a chapter out of a marriage book and we were struck by the phrase, “your marriage should tell the truth about the gospel.” It made us realize our marriage wasn’t just about us. (More on that in a minute.)

   • Earthly sexual union (that we have within the confines of our Biblical marriage relationship) is meant to show the world spiritual union with God— “For as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh. But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him.’” (1 Corinthians 6:16, 17 ESV) So, when the passage refers to one flesh, it is referring to the physical joining of one man to one wife in a sexual relationship. And the verse is comparing that to the act of being joined into a spiritual union with God through His Holy Spirit. What this says about adultery is that when sex happens outside of a marriage relationship, it is marring the union with that God has with us that only happens inside a relationship with Him—he doesn’t give it away to others! 

   • That’s why marriage and sexual relationships are so important and not just about you and not just up to your own definition. They are not just ordinary, but extraordinary in what they are expressing. Our marriages are saying something about God and his gospel and we must not speak falsely of God (blaspheme) and his gospel in our marriages and sexual relationships because they are meant to picture Him—don’t spoil the image and teach a false gospel. 

2. Second, how he talks to Him: [urgently and seriously] “Be attentive to my wisdom, incline your ear...” (Proverbs 5:1 ESV). The Father is leaning in, compelling, winning, drawing close to, imploring, and begging for his son’s attention and hopes for His wise obedience. WHY? Because He hates His son and wants to destroy his fun? No, He loves His Son and wants a fullest and most fulfilling life He can have!! 
   Because there is another who wants your ear—the adulterer and adulteress wants you to listen to them. Their lips drip with seduction, hollow promises, like lipstick on a pig. It will sound so smooth and so good (i.e., they give me what my spouse doesn’t, I’m bored with my spouse, it’s only once, they make me feel so good, beautiful or respected…) and in the end it will be like rotten, curdled milk. That sex which seems so promising, lovely, or enticing will spoil. It will spoil you, it will spoil them. It will spoil everything. Just as spoiled milk fills the whole air when the cap comes off. 
   It’s like bad and bitter wine. I promise you, the aftertaste will make you wish you never had it in the first place. The passage says adultery will take your feet down to death. Your life will experience so much death (more on that in a minute). Some say adultery is worse than death. At least in death the pain is not present and in front of you, and you're not forced to interact and deal with the pain. Adultery is personal, it’s not something that just happened with no fault, but someone has done something to you and you will have to look them in the face. Its present, personal pain. 

The 4 Deaths of Adultery

Let’s look at the deaths of adultery before giving you some warnings:

The Father starts in again, imploring His Sons and begging to have them heed His words, “And now O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth.” (Proverbs 5:7 ESV) Why? We will skip over verse 8 for now (we will come back to it) and go to verses 9-14 and look over our lists of deaths:

Death #1

“Lest you give your honor to others...”(Proverbs 5:9 ESV)

Your reputation will die. It will be lost. Your family, your spouse's family, the church, the looks of your neighbors, your children. I was in the car with one of my sons the other night and we were talking about adultery. He said, “Dad, if you were ever committing adultery, I would tell mom right away.” I said, “I hope you would.” It just made me think about how devastating adultery is and the role reversal that takes place. The children know how wrong it is and become the disciplinarian and the offender parent the disciplined. It ruins the roles in our families. (Proverbs 22:1 ESV)

Death #2

“and your years to the merciless.” (Proverbs 5:9 ESV)

Your time is wasted and lost. You just hand it away to the wind. The Bible treats time with such value and significance and you are going to steward your time keeping up some idolatrous adultery? You are going to steward your time enslaved to sin? What a waste of your time. All the wasted time to devote to God, to your spouse, to your family, to your children. And you just threw it away. Adultery will steal so much of your time and it will be lost time, not to mention the time it will take to just rebuild all that was torn down! God’s Word tells us the days are evil and that our lives are but a mist (Ephesians 5:16, James 5:16 ESV). You have no time to waste as a believer especially carrying out unbelieving lifestyles. 

Death #3 

“lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner...” (Proverbs 5:10 ESV)

Your wealth and income will be stripped from you. Lawyers, judges, 1-800 get divorced… They don’t care about you. They are lining their pockets on the lusts of the foolish. And then some of the devastating effects of adultery are divorce which leads to alimony, child support, moving, two houses. I live in the house of a couple who lost their marriage and got divorced; the house he modernized, refitted, rewired, remodeled… and it's been given away to a stranger. And now I am that stranger living in it. The house that could have been and should have been his!

Death #4 

“and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, “How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my heart to my instructors. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.” (Proverbs 5:12-14 ESV)

You will die in regret. You will wish you had done differently. You will look back on it and groan even though you looked forward to it and thought how satisfying it was. It's so helpful to know that if hindsight really is 20/20. The Good Lord tells us that our life will feel ruinous and we will feel regret, brokenness, disappointment, lamentation, dismay, and will conclude it was not worth it!

Because I have called and you refused to listen, have stretched out my hand and no one has heeded, because you have ignored all my counsel and would have none of my reproof, I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when terror strikes you, when terror strikes you like a storm and your calamity comes like a whirlwind, when distress and anguish come upon you. Then they will call upon me, but I will not answer; they will seek me diligently but will not find me. Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the LORD, would have none of my counsel and despised all my reproof, therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way, and have their fill of their own devices. For the simple are killed by their turning away, and the complacency of fools destroys them; but whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of disaster." (Proverbs 1:24-33 ESV)

I cry out, wisdom calls out, the Father pleads, don’t die the slow death associated with adultery. “Don’t hate discipline or despise reproof.” (Proverbs 5:12 ESV) Whether you are married or unmarried, whether it's physical adultery or the lust of your eye adultery: the consequences are great. We damage our marriages sexually, visually, and emotionally. Even if you are not married now, you most likely will be one day. And your present day illicit sexual relationships will hurt your future marriage and spouse: the insecurity you will give them in the future with your continued promiscuous relationships in the present, the tears they will shed in pain for your lack of self-control now, the comparison that will most likely inject itself into your future marriage bed and hijack your intimate life just because you had some fun, were youthful, or unaware, or flat out disobedient. I’ll never forget having to look into the eyes of a husband of a girl I had dated for some 3 years and, in shame, apologizing and asking for mercy for taking what was his. It was his, he was her husband, and I took it from him. I was a fool!!

We, too, with every lustful glance, second-look, clicking on a video, fantasy, day-dreaming, asking “what if”, picturing ourselves with another, we take from them too. It is someone else’s and we take, not to mention how we don’t hold ourselves; protect ourselves; keep ourselves for our spouse or future spouse alone. 

So, remember your wedding vow, “I, take __________ to be my wedded wife/husband to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for rich or for poorer, in sickness and in health” No matter the circumstances. Hold yourself back sexually, emotionally, visually so you can hold yourself for them! (I.e., I had a friend send me an email and is giving me access to what he browses on his computer.)

And if you're unmarried, get a hold of yourself. Let others have a hold of you in accountable relationships. If you don't have a habit of holding yourself back now, what trust do we have that you will hold to him or her alone in marriage? We have none, and your future spouse will have none. So, the fight starts today. If you want to be able to have and to hold your spouse in a faithful marriage, then start holding yourself for him or her today!

The 4 Wins of the Wise

Our text now takes us to some traits and characteristics of the wise. We talked about the 4 deaths of adultery, but now I want to lead us through the 4 wins of the wise. God wants us to win in our battle to have and to hold—whether that’s right now or in the future. Here they are:

#1 The Wise Ponders 

“Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.” (Proverbs 4:26 ESV)

The wise son will consider ramifications, consequences, effects, and implications of his actions. And he says, “No way! Not worth it.” Now, in Proverbs 5:6, the forbidden woman on the other hand, “she does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wander and she doesn’t even know it.” She is totally ignorant, unaware, and totally unmoved by the minefield she’s about to walk into. And she will pay dearly. And so will you too! “The prudent man sees danger and hides himself and the fool walks on it and pays the consequences…”. This is why I think some of the wisest men I know read Proverbs every 31 days (a chapter every day) lest they forget the deaths of adultery and walk on in and pay the consequence of infidelity in marriage. The Wise Ponders. 

#2 The Wise Flees

“Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house.” (Proverbs 5:8 ESV)

We are told to flee. Not tomorrow or the next day, but today. We are told to stay far from adultery, not to go near it. And yet, for most adulterous relationships, they did not find themselves in a Joseph and Potiphar type of circumstance where all of a sudden out of nowhere a naked person appears and your clothes get ripped off. Adultery is this progression of small lapses in judgement, small steps of unfaithfulness, tiny agreements with sin that start out very harmless but will end in much harm. What hurt is there in that look, in having a texting relationship, in extending a conversation, in picturing them with me, meeting them somewhere without their spouse, sending them emails… Just as success can be defined as the sum of small winning steps, repeated day and day out, so too can adultery be defined as the sum of many seemingly small, yet sinful and secretive choices repeated over a period for time that culminate in adultery. THE KEY: don’t ever start! And if you have started, STOP!! The goal is to flee sexual immorality. We don’t get as close as we can get without falling, but we flee from the precipice so there is no chance of falling into unfaithfulness. 

#3 The Wise is satisfied in and satisfies his or her spouse alone 

The images in Proverbs 5:15-20 cannot be missed. Water, in the ancient world, was rare and scarce. It was very valuable. So valuable, in fact, that there were water rights. Rights, one would have over a well or cistern that was for you and your family alone. It was not shared. So, in essence we have Solomon telling his Son - be satisfied in your wife, your spouse, and not the spouse of another. So, what is Solomon’s good ole fashioned plan, his remedy, his defense against adultery? Yes, what is a marriage’s best defense against an adulteress (how do we defend against it)? It's a really good marital offense. A good marital offense is a romantic, regular, selfless sexual intimate life. If you are scoring together, you are not nearly as prone to score elsewhere. I love this! This is not you, you will just go without, this is to live a life that can’t go without him, that can’t go without her. Come and get your thirst quenched!! Delight in sexual intimacy and ecstasy in your spouse. Delight and be filled with them!!

“Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?” (Proverbs 5:20 ESV)

You shouldn’t, because a romantic sexual life is always better in marriage than out. And you need to remember this phrase, when you are Tempted to think of another: But they are not ____________. This other is not your compliment, your Helper, it's not your covenant Spouse! Remember, about your spouse: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22 ESV) Disfavor is found outside your spouse. 

Now, I realize that this win, to be satisfied in your spouse, is a great remedy against adultery but that it takes mutual responsibility—responsibility on both sides. It takes a spouse to find satisfaction in their spouse alone and it takes one to give of themselves to their spouse alone. I can empathize with the whole host of complexities that can come with a challenging intimate life. Though it be challenging, though it be uncomfortable, though it be not as much for you, they are not valid reasons to not pursue, pray, invite counsel and the Lord into your life, that a satisfying sexual relationship can be shared. Our bodies are not our own and they are for each other and, according to Proverbs 5, they are great means to marital faithfulness. They are worth your marriage. The talks, the time, the trying again and again are worth it. Proverbs 5 goes to great lengths to show us How God amplifies the greatness of a good and intimate sexual relationship. It is to be stimulating, exhilarating, and intoxicating. 

Now, someone might ask, “Shouldn’t we love each other apart from their bodies?” I would say, we don’t love our spouses just for their bodies, but we do love each other with our bodies. Why love each other one dimensionally when we can love each other two dimensionally or more. Besides, when we become one flesh we are illustrating God’s union with His people. We are acting out the great truths of the Gospel. Might we give very generously to one another in this way. Paul says,

Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:5 ESV)

#4 The Wise has no secrets

The wise man and woman knows that nothing is hidden from His eyes. Our friends, families, or churches may not or never know but our omnipresent God knows. And we are before Him always. Your mind, motives, and actions are always in his sights. The wise man or woman fears God and it's out of this awe inspiring and reverential fear that he or she turns away from Evil. We are reminded from this series in Proverbs that the “fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 1:7 ESV). Will you respect His presence? Will you repent in His presence? You can be restored in His presence! For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the whole earth to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless before Him! (2 Chronicles 16:9 ESV).

Is your heart blameless or broken? If it's blameless, is it really? And if it’s broken, it can be blameless. You might feel blameless with physical or sexual adultery but we all know the adultery of our eyes in lustful looks and the adultery of our hearts in putting other gods before the God make the title “You adulterous and sinful generation” so fitting. That is the title Jesus used in the gospels and it's that reality that we must reckon with.

I end by recalling the beginning of John 8 when an offender and the offended were in the presence of Jesus. Jesus is teaching the crowds and the religious leaders throw a woman down in front of Him who had been caught in adultery. The leaders say, “she has been caught in adultery and the law says we must stone her, but what do you say?” Jesus bent down and wrote in the dirt and then said, “He who is without sin be the first to cast a stone at her.” One by one, they dropped their stones and left. He said, “lady, is there anyone left to condemn you?” “No one, Lord” Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more!” (John 8:3-11 ESV)

When it comes to sermons like these, we can often be in one of two places just like the context of John 8: The circle of superiority (i.e., like the scribes and the Pharisees) or the center of shame (i.e., like the woman caught in adultery). The circle of superiority is filled with anger, pride, judgment, lack of grace, lack of forgiveness, and filled with vengeance, bitterness, and resentment. When we experience adultery, it can lead to those emotions. Jesus is calling you not to drop you stones and walk away. But to walk towards Him with your stones in hand. He wants to take the stones you thought were for someone else and remind you that those stones had your name on them. YET through his crown of thorns, his beatings, and death He was stoned in your place. And he died that you would never pick up a stone again!

For those in the center of shame, you are in the center of the circle. All eyes are on you, the shame, embarrassment, the desolation of sexual immorality before marriage or in marriage, spiritual immorality, whatever. Not for one moment in that story does the Son of God leave your side to hide from an imminent stoning. His love for you is not compromised, his commitment to you doesn’t falter. Their charges do not nullify His sacrifice for you! He raises you to your feet and reminds you that in his name there is no more condemnation. The stones that were due you were taken from you at the cross. The full stoning of God rained down upon His flesh. He took your guilt, there is no more guilt left for you to feel, only grace! He died that you would go and sin no more!