The Way of Wisdom
Text: Proverbs 9 ESV
We have been in Matthew and Zephaniah, and then last week Andrew brought us back into Proverbs. I’ve been reading through Proverbs for the last few months, and as I read, I saw a few common themes really pop out. I have tried to identify those themes I think will help edify our body and help us grow in the Lord. So today, I’m excited to get to dive into one of those themes that I saw come up over and over: giving and receiving reproof.
Reproof is not a word we often use in America, at least not in my experience. If you’re wondering what it means, it’s somewhat synonymous with correcting. Sometimes, it can be a very small correction, and sometimes, it can be more of an outright rebuke. There’s a spectrum to it, big corrections and little corrections. You know what demographic receives reproof, or correction, more than anyone else? Young people. Parents are constantly reproving their children. Teachers are constantly correcting them. Adults in general provide correction. Of all of us, children are in the midst of being corrected daily. So, I decided I should ask them some questions. I need to admit to you I didn’t have a huge sample size, nor did I vet the validity of the structure of my questions, but I still found their responses helpful. The survey I created was simple. It was a series of seven statements and the responder had to circle either agree or disagree. I want to share the results with you, so I’ll show you the questions, and then I’ll show you how they responded.
Statement 1: My parents correct me often. 100% of the youth agreed. This simply means that my hypothesis is correct. Our youth receive correction from their parents on a regular basis, enough for them to agree correction happens “often.”
Statement 2: I enjoy it when my parents correct me. No surprise here, 100% of the youth said they disagree. That isn’t surprising, is it? It just isn’t enjoyable to receive reproof. It’s hard!
Statement 3: I find it really difficult to be corrected. This was interesting to me. 50% of the youth agreed and 50% disagreed. That seems fair though, right? Some people are more able to be corrected than others. I don’t think this is a crazy finding. It seems consistent with my experience, anyway.
Statement 4: It often hurts to be corrected. This one surprised me. I thought more of our young people would admit that it hurts a bit. Only 27% agreed with this one. That means that the majority of our youth would say it doesn’t often hurt when they are corrected. I say praise God for that. I’m glad our young people receive correction without often feeling hurt by it.
Statement 5: I believe it is for my good that my parents correct me. I was so interested to hear the results from this one. Do our youth believe their parents are for them, with their best interests in mind? Again, praise God for the answer they provided. 100% of them agreed with this. Of the youth I surveyed, all of them believed their parents were correcting them for their good.
Statement 6: My parents usually correct me in a way that I find loving, fair, and helpful. Turns out, the Holy Spirit is at work in a bunch of parents of the youth I surveyed because 100% agreed. However, the statement was rigged a bit. It wasn’t “always,” it was “usually.” Which brings us to the last agree or disagree statement from the survey.
Statement 7: Sometimes my parents correct me in a way that does not feel loving, fair, or helpful. 54% admitted that on occasion, their parents don’t correct in a way their children feel loved or cared for quite as well as other times. However, I must also point out, this means that 44% of the youth disagreed, meaning their parents never do this! That’s incredible if true! The finding here is that the majority of our youth have parents who correct their children often and their kid always feel loved and cared for and treated fairly. I think this particular “agree” column was filled with my children’s answers, because I know I don’t always do this well.
Shout out to our youth who took this survey- thank you for your responses! I really think our youth have some lessons for us in these results. I believe our youth are on the right track toward what we see in our text today. If I were to summarize what I want us to walk out of church thinking about it would be this: the wise know how to both provide and receive reproof, and do both eagerly.
Our text today in Proverbs 9 has three distinct parts. In the first, lady wisdom has prepared a meal and is inviting guests to come and eat. The middle section is about reproof and instruction. It contrasts how a wise person gives and receives reproof with how the scoffer receives reproof. In the third section, we see that lady Folly has an invitation to a meal as well.
Let’s begin by looking at the first and third sections, the competing invitations from Wisdom and Folly. I want to look first at verses 1-6 again, which is wisdom’s invitation.
“Wisdom has built her house; she has hewn her seven pillars. She has slaughtered her beasts; she has mixed her wine; she has also set her table. She has sent out her young women to call from the highest places in the town, “Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!” To him who lacks sense she says, “Come, eat of my bread and drink of the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways, and live, and walk in the way of insight.” (Proverbs 9:1-6 ESV)
Remember, in chapters one through nine, Solomon personifies wisdom as a woman. And in these verses, lady wisdom has prepared a meal and is inviting guests to come and eat with her. I want to take note of a few things we see. The first is to see how she has prepared. She has built her house and hewn her seven pillars. Oftentimes in the Bible, seven is used to denote perfection. She’s perfectly prepared to receive guests. We next see that she has slaughtered her beasts and mixed her wine. All of these acts of preparation took a lot of time and effort. She herself has built her house, carving the pillars by hand. She raised animals for months, and then she slaughtered them, butchered them, prepared the meat, and now cooked the meal. She has sacrificed her time to do this, and she also sacrificed the lives of multiple animals; her meal is built upon sacrifice. And she has mixed her wine; wine doesn’t age quickly, but takes many steps over several months to do it well. So we can see that these acts of building her house, slaughtering animals for the meal, and preparing wine, were intentional and time-intensive. She’s planned for this feast for a while. Her preparation was not done in haste.
She has also set her table, which means she is anticipating guests and wants it to be a great experience. Her feast provides the finest of dining and the finest experience. She’s setting the scene well to receive guests.
And Lady Wisdom’s invitation is this: “Come, eat of my bread and drink of the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways, and live, and walk in the way of insight.” We’ll look more at her invitation in a bit.
Let’s next contrast these verses about Lady Wisdom with Lady Folly’s section in verses 13-18.
“The woman Folly is loud; she is seductive and knows nothing. She sits at the door of her house; she takes a seat on the highest places of the town, calling to those who pass by, who are going straight on their way, “Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!” And to him who lacks sense she says, “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol.” (Proverbs 9:13-18 ESV)
Lady Folly, it says, is loud, seductive, and knows nothing. In other words, she’s able to entice, but is noisy and ignorant. Those are not terribly flattering words, are they? Her offering is also miserable in contrast to Lady Wisdom’s. Where we saw Lady Wisdom sacrifice time and animals and her home to prepare, all that Lady Folly can offer is shoplifted goods. She says, “Stolen water is sweet, and the bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” Her words are deceptive. She invites her guests into sin and a life of secrecy. To the reader (at least I hope), her invitation is weak.
She offers bread, but it is not the bread of life. We see this is true in the last verses of chapter 9: “But he,” that is, the one who is deceived by Lady Folly, “does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol.” Folly’s guests are dead while living in their trespasses and sin. Their time at her table is only more of the same, descending to Sheol, the abode of the dead. She doesn’t offer the bread of life, but the bread of death.
I find it fascinating that both Lady Wisdom and Lady Folly have the exact same call. If you missed it, look at verse 4 and verse 16. Both are inviting with the exact same words: “Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!” They’re like two salesman competing for the same audience of buyers and beginning with the same starting line. The simple, it seems, are those who are able to be persuaded. There are, however, some distinct and important differences.
I want us to observe that Lady Wisdom doesn’t go out to the highest places in the town herself. Instead, she sends her young women. She is industrious and has recruited young women who have experienced what she offers and want to carry it forward. She isn’t interested in taking the seat of honor or being seen as important, she is interested in getting as many people as she can to come to her feast. She’s multiplied her efforts by bringing others into her work. She is engaging in relationship with others to bring them into what she’s prepared.
In stark contrast to the team Lady Wisdom has built, Folly does not bring others into what she is doing, but she herself takes the places of honor. Lady Folly wants to be seen as important, so she sits in her doorway and at the highest places in the town. Folly is self-absorbed and self-important. Lady Folly doesn’t have a team because anyone she has already woo’d is living in secret and isolation; they’re dead.
Lady Wisdom is casting a wider net, not only because she employed a team, but also because she’s targeting a wider audience. Lady Folly, you see, has an additional line in our text that narrows her target. In verse 15, Lady Folly is “calling to those who pass by, who are going straight on their way.” It appears those who Lady Folly is seeking are distinct in a specific way: they “are going straight on their way.” I think this means they are walking in a way that communicates, “don’t bug me.” They think they know their way. Those susceptible to Lady Folly’s message believe they already know what they’re about and are already convinced in their own mind they know the path. They have a plan, and are not open to hearing other opinions. They would say, “don’t bother me, I don’t want to hear your invitation.” But these are the very ones Lady Folly is able to woo, because she plays into their hand.
The difference in the invitation is distinct in another important way as well. Lady Wisdom provides a command, “eat of my bread and drink of the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways and walk in the way of insight.” Lady Folly doesn’t command, she provides temptation. “My grass is greener. If you thought water was good, wait until you try stolen water… it’s even sweeter than you have experienced. And bread, when eaten in secret and not shared, is all the more delicious.” She deceives and leads astray those who already have a proclivity to isolate from outside influence. Once she has them in her snare, their path is set and they are among the dead.
Other places in Proverbs confirm the distinction between folly and wisdom. Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool is right in his own mind, but a wise man listens to advice.” Also paralleling this verse is Proverbs 14:12, which says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”
When given these two invitations from Lady Wisdom and Lady Folly, it’s an easy choice, isn’t it? Boiled down, the choice is this: choose life or choose death. So which camp are you in? While it seems easy, I want to provide a word of caution here. If you think you’re wise and are in wisdom’s camp, the Word of God has a warning for us. Look at 1 Corinthians 3:18-23.
“Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is folly with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their craftiness,” and again, “The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile.”” (1 Corinthians 3:18-23 ESV)
Remember that folly is seductive, cunning, clever, and deceptive. Before you close your mind and check out because you already know you’re in Lady Wisdom’s camp, there may yet be something in our text for you.
So wisdom commands us to leave our simple ways and walk in the way of insight. But how? What does that mean? Well, verses 7-12 provide for us the how, we’re not left hanging. These verses, sandwiched between competing invitations from Lady Wisdom and Lady Folly, are the separator for those who walk in folly and those who walk in wisdom. In my words, the separator is this: the wise know how to both provide and receive reproof, and do both eagerly.
On some level, we all know how to give and receive correction. There are areas where we more readily admit that we need help. I used to teach math, so I’ll use that as an analogy. How does a student grow in their mathematical understanding? They are teachable! Can you imagine a Math student who was closed off to correction? Upon looking at a problem they were working on and seeing a mistake, I would say, “Oh, right here, you added when you should have subtracted,” to which they would respond, “No. You’re wrong. That’s the way I do Math.” That would be an absurd response! Math students are open to being corrected in order to understand math better!
So it is with our spiritual life. If we want to grow in wisdom, we have to be open to being corrected! To grow in righteousness, we must receive reproof! The simple life that we need to leave, that Wisdom commands us to leave, is the attitude that is unteachable, that thinks “only I know what is right for me. I am my own chief and commander, how dare you insinuate that I am wrong or need correcting!” Friends, we must leave this simple way and live. Wisdom comes with and through correction.
Our passage has an interesting point for us in correction. We see in verses 7-8a what not to do and then in verses 8b-10 what we should do. What shouldn’t we do? Read with me Proverbs9:7-8a, “Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer or he will hate you.” The scoffer here is one who later in our chapter follows the way of Folly. It’s the person who is going “straight on their way.” They are walking along life’s path with a briskness that says, “don’t bother me, I don’t want your advice, I’m not seeking your insight, I don’t care what you have to say.” The scoffer in our middle section is the person who follows Lady Folly.
So what is it that we are not to do? We’re not to reprove a scoffer. Why? Because it doesn’t do any good! They’re just going to strike back. The scoffer will interpret a correction from us as an attack. The paradigm for a scoffer is that anyone who tries to speak in is trying to injure them, and their defense is to go on the offensive and abuse the one providing the feedback. You’ve experienced this, I’m sure. No matter how gently you attempt to reprove the person, the discussion takes a surprisingly antagonistic turn. The scoffer’s heart snarls when you bring them a correction. Or they accuse you of not being a safe person because you’ve brought pain upon them. And so, wisdom instructs us to not go down this path, it only ends with the person hating us. So we’re told not to correct a scoffer.
What we’re not to do is followed by what we are to do.
“Reprove a wise man, and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” (Proverbs 9:8b-10 ESV)
So, we are called to reproof a wise person. We’re to correct them because it edifies the person all the more. They’re already wise, and it helps build them up to become wiser still. They’re already righteous, and their righteousness increases. The wise person, according to these verses, will love the correction.
Proverbs 17:10 reinforces the contrast between what we are to do and not do. “A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.” We can try and try to help a fool see the folly of their ways, and the message still won’t be received. By contrast, one word of rebuke quickly takes root in the wise and it bears fruit.
This section is interesting because it’s structured to put us in the position of the one giving the reproof. Doing so makes it easier for us to see the distinction in the one receiving, and to see how silly the behavior of the scoffer is. But the word for us in this text is to take note of both roles. Know how to give reproof and understand the reactions you will encounter, that’s one clear lesson. The other lesson is to not be a scoffer. Choose to be wise and receive the correction because it is for your good! Reproof makes you wiser and builds you up. It doesn’t tear you down unless your pride gets in the way and keeps you from receiving it.
Flip back to Psalm 141:5. “Let a righteous man strike me - it is a kindness; let him rebuke me - it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it.” Are you beginning to see the beauty of being corrected and the value it provides? The wise know how to both provide and receive reproof, and do both eagerly.
And let’s not miss Proverbs 9:10 here. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” We started our study of Proverbs by looking at the Fear of the Lord, and it’s repeated here in chapter 9. Solomon ends the section where he started, with the foundation of wisdom: the fear of the Lord. It is a humble reverence for God and a right understanding of who He is and who we are. I love that Solomon returns to this and reminds us that the fear of the Lord is the starting point and the chief point of wisdom, and that learning to give and receive correction is built upon this foundation.
We cannot escape the truth here in scripture. As followers of Jesus, as children of God, it is imperative to our growth that we give and receive reproof from each other. It isn’t optional. It’s not a matter of how you’re wired or your past, it’s a matter of being changed by the Spirit of God at work in you to help you receive reproof, and the movement of the Spirit of God through others who care about you and your faith. the wise know how to both provide and receive reproof, and do both eagerly.
I want to circle back to the surveys I gave to our youth. I said I believed they have some helpful lessons for us. Let’s combine a couple of the results to gain a lesson from them. Our youth are corrected frequently, they said it didn’t hurt to be corrected, and to a person, all of them affirmed a belief that the correction was for their good. To be painfully frank, I don’t think the responses of adults would be even close to this encouraging. We need to be more like our young people in receiving correction. They do it often and are accustomed to it, they know reproof’s ways and are receiving wisdom from the correction.
In my experience, providing correction to adults doesn’t go nearly as well. We get defensive, we dismiss any correction because it hurts, or because we don’t think it was given well. We want to nuance it to death. We push back against the correction because we don’t view it as David did in Psalm 141, we don’t see a correction as kindness and as oil to our head. When we reject or resist correction, we choose the way of folly. She seduced us. Let us leave our simple ways, and live, and walk in the way of insight.
I want to spend a bit of time walking this out together, because I know it’s hard. Believe me, I’m preaching to myself as well as to you. I really think this is a gift we can give each other as fellow saints and believers within the body of Christ. I’ve focused a lot on verses from Proverbs this morning, but it is throughout the Bible. I want to look at an interesting instance of Jesus reproving his disciples in the book of Matthew.
“And when he got into the boat, his disciples followed him. And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves, but he was asleep. And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.” And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. And the men marveled, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?”” (Matthew 8:23-27 ESV)
There are two rebukes in this passage, one from Jesus to his disciples, and one from Jesus to the waves. Jesus is sleeping through a storm, and his disciples are terrified, fearing they are facing down death. They wake him up, pleading with him to save them. I imagine the disciples thought Jesus would, like them, be worked up, but maybe they needed the extra hand. At least, they were dumbfounded that Jesus could rest in a time like this. Jesus doesn’t get worked up, but instead starts with a rebuke of his disciples. Jesus calls them out. I’m sure they shrunk back at Jesus’s words there, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith.” It surely stung to hear that from Jesus. That was rebuke one. But then, it says that Jesus rebukes the wind and the sea. He calmed the storm. This section is often rightly used to point to the power of Jesus. He commands all forces of nature. But it is also helpful in terms of rebuke and reproof. Too often a reproof doesn’t calm a storm, does it? It creates one! But Jesus rebukes his disciples, and the wind and sea, and it brings peace. Why? Because they and nature obey the rebuke. The result of Jesus’ rebuke is calm and peace and leaves his disciples more in awe and wonder of him. When we provide reproof or receive reproof, we should see the same effect. A proper reproof should have the result of making us look at God with increased awe and wonder. Reproof is not meant to cause storms, but to bring joy and peace and to point the hearer to Jesus.
The barrier to reproof for us is pride. We don’t believe we need to be reproved. We think we have it together and we get defensive. Is this the way of wisdom or the way of folly? We’re going straight on our way and when a brother or sister tries to provide us with a word of reproof, it creates a storm inside of us. This ought not be. Brothers and sisters, don’t be seduced by Lady Folly. So often, we are not at Wisdom’s table, we are at Lady Folly’s.
We must build a desire for reproof. When you don’t want to hear reproof, you’re following the way of folly. Our starting point is thus to ask God to make us wise by helping us change into someone who values correction. Take a page from our young people and believe with confidence that correction is going to be good, even if it is hard. In building a desire for reproof, invite some people to provide it for you. Give a voice to some trusted brothers and sisters to speak into your life and then mindfully work to not be defensive, but to simply receive their corrections. Give their reproofs careful consideration. View receiving it as kindness and oil to your head, and view giving it as a kindness. I pray that God builds in us a willingness and eagerness to give reproof to others. I’m not advocating that we create a critical culture, but a culture that is consistently sharpening each other, pointing each other to the Lord and helping one another become more Christ-like.
To encourage you toward this end, hear Proverbs 27:6-7, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet.” Corrections from Godly friends are so good and necessary. If we only desire to receive flattery and kisses from someone, and we don’t value anything that doesn’t feel like a kiss, we’re not building a true friendship! We need a hungry attitude; if we hunger for correction, if we rightly value it, the bitterness of the reproof becomes sweet. Understand this clearly: this shouldn’t affect the ‘safety’ of your relationship. If you only let your friends in enough so they can flatter and ‘kiss’ you, but you declare it’s not safe as soon as they provide reproof, you are not fostering friendship, but something quite different indeed. Trust them enough that any wounds will lead you to bear fruit in your life. God is faithful to do this work if you drop your pride and let their words rest on you. Having an eagerness and desire for reproof is the first key.
The second key is that reproof should point the hearer to the Lord. I was once rebuked by a brother who saw that my language was not Christ-like. I’ve long struggled with profanity, especially in the Marines. My friend lovingly rebuked me and pointed out that the way I was speaking was not salt and light. I was not being set apart in this area of my life. He pointed me to the Lord well that night when he provided loving reproof.
As the giver of reproof, ensure your motives for correcting are to point the person to the Lord. Reproof must not be abused as a manipulative tool to modify someone’s behavior. It must not be done in order to simply get someone to behave according to what you see as wisdom. To guard against this, remember verse 10. “Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Our reproofs should remind the hearer of how great our God is and how responsible we are to honor him, for He his worthy.
Whenever possible, the helpful insight should come from God’s Word. If it doesn’t, if you can’t build your reproof using the Word of God, maybe you’re simply advocating for a preference. Search for helpful passages from the Bible and check your motives to ensure your deepest desire in the reproof is to point the hearer to the Lord.
The third key is humility. When we are properly operating in the fear of the Lord, we are necessarily drenched in humility. So, if you are acting as the one giving a reproof, do so with humble spirit. Don’t crush your brother and sister, but provide the reproof with gentleness. Engage in it boldly and eagerly, but do it with a gentleness. And, importantly, be humble when you receive reproof. Listen, you’re receiving a correction from a brother or a sister in Christ who is a sinner. They’re going to mess this up and not do it perfectly. Be gracious and humble. If the reprover does it poorly, don’t reject the message because of the delivery. Receive it, consider it, be humble to hear it even when it isn’t delivered in a way that you feel is loving, fair, or helpful.
Finally, my brothers and sisters, whether you are giving or receiving reproof, realize you are under grace. Your work here does not determine your salvation, for that has already been secured by Christ. Your works don’t save you, they can’t. This is instead fruit bourn of your salvation. So remember, you’re already under the grace of Jesus. I’m exhorting us to pursue giving and receiving correction for the fullness of joy in our lives, not to pile guilt upon you or call you to work for God’s favor. The table of wisdom is already set for you, Wisdom has prepared a seat for you at her table, so walk expectantly into her invitation.
I want to return once more to our youth, within the context of Matthew 18.
“At that time, the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:1-4 ESV)
Let us step into childlike humility that receives correction like children do. They are accustomed to it, knowing they need it and believing it is for their good. Jesus tells us this is what we need, why would we let our pride forget the importance of it and instead go straight on our way to Folly? Let it be said of us that we are soft to correction, welcoming it as oil to our head and recognizing it as a part of our sanctification, and that we lovingly reprove one another, to the glory of God and the joy of one another.